I write this from under a sleeping feverish toddler on a hot day in Oakland. This is not the blog I was planning.
My plan was to film my blog Monday, when my daughter is in school and my son is with my mom and have time to tweak it on Tuesday, when I have care for both kids again and have it out to you Wednesday morning. Two year olds and viruses aren't big on following my plans.
As you may know, I am starting to offer classes in my at home studio and I have a big Grand Opening on June 7th. I have a lot to do to get ready.
So as I feel the fiery anxiety of "I have so much to Do!" rise, I also feel the warm small body on me. He needs me. Right now. And this is just a moment in time. This time, these times, he needs me. Thankfully I recognize this moment with more ease than I did a month ago...
It was a Thursday morning and I had child care all week so I could Do all these thing I need to Do. It was going to be a big push week. But I woke up to being puked on by my 2 year old many times. Yes, it is what woke me up. Poor guy was very unhappy and I was trying to cope with how I'd been woken. So I called his child care to cancel for the day. I decided I’d just Do all I needed to Do with my little sicko in tow. In the parking lot of the post office my dear boy barfed all over himself and the car seat. I felt frantic. I have so much to Do! AAAAHHHH! AND he didn't feel well and dragging him along wasn't going to work and more importantly wasn't what he needed. There in the yucky car in the post office parking lot looking at my sweet miserable boy, I redirected towards my deeper truer values. We went home, cleaned up and I got my sicko to sleep. It was a very barfy day. I let all else go and was there for him. It felt so right. Gross, but right.
Now today in this moment I check my Do-er self as I breathe in his sweet toddler smell and touch his soft beautiful skin. It’s actually bliss. An honor. When my kids are older, I want them to look back and feel I was there for them whenever they needed me, even if I thought I was super busy. So I cool my Do-fire and remember to enjoy this moment; a sweaty lethargic uncomfortable sick boy needing and loving me. I need and love him too.
He and this fiery virus are helping me. Reminding me why I even want a business in my backyard. So I can be available for my life. Instead of giving into the intense external success value, I am building the foundation of this business with love, integrity and a healthy life work balance that allows me to be present and available for my family. Oh, I do want to make a very healthy income and I do still work very hard. I do want success and full classes with enthusiastic students and people interested in my own art and and and and. And missing out on being in the magical and challenging moments and years with my loved ones isn't something I can sacrifice. So I’ll keep remembering to show up for those moments and years as best I can until hopefully one day it'll just be how I do it. It's getting easier and clearer all the time.
I am so grateful for my little teachers 2 & 6. They remind me that right now counts, that play is not optional or extra, that wonder exists everywhere waiting for us to engage it. They require me out of my deep love and respect for them to keep working towards being the person I want to be; more patient, more present, more gentle.
They also require of me the following through with my goals and dreams. Even when its hard or looks different than I thought. I hope I model to them healthy personal growth and how to clean up messes, physical and emotional. And how to express myself authentically.They’ll need these skills too.
I want this business sharing art and creative processes with other kids and families and "grown up" kids to be fun and teach me oodles along the way. In my backyard studio working with other families who strive to show up for each other in real ways, who care about creativity and self expression and growth and learning and connection. That is my bigger Plan.
I have always been an artist and a teacher. Now I am a Head Over Heals in Love Mama. Giving up any of that is incomplete. So I give you Big Spirit Studio, a place for us to be creative, to be present, to be ourselves and to be family and community.
Please come take a class or workshop and join me in creating this reality. I have so much to share! So much to learn...
The Saturday, June 7th 10am-6pm Grand Opening is a great day to learn more about me and Big Spirit Studio.
We’ll have Art, food and music! A family art table will be open all day! There will be a raffle of my art and more! And I’ll have 2 Free mini workshops; Pinch Pot Animals in Clay and Little Pipe Cleaner Faeries. You can sign up for a mini workshop on my website here.
That’s a lot of cool fun stuff for a great Saturday together! Ha! No wonder I have so much to do! But please excuse the messy places that didn't get done, I was Being Mama, too.